Running Toward Love

My marathon is rapidly approaching, only a week away now.  I had my last long run today, a quick 8-mile jaunt through the forest preserve.  It was more difficult than I would have liked it to be.  My breathing was a bit more labored and my legs showed a little more fatigue than 8 short miles should have induced.

I’ve been worried about my training for a while now, as life just seemed to get in the way these past few months.  I’m in an extremely busy season at work, Gail & I have been going to our weekly home study meetings, and church & family functions have all conspired to impede my workouts. 

As race day nears I am dealing with anxiety and nerves, this is nothing new of course, it happens every time.  Typically I am able to look at my running log and see all the training miles I’ve run and be reassured that I’ve done the necessary work to cross the finish line and achieve my goals.  However, this time I find myself not wanting to look at my log because I know the miles simply are not there and I worry that I won’t perform well.

As I ran today and reflected on the reason for running this marathon I was struck by the difference in motivation.  In the past my concerns have been about finishing a race within a certain time, I’ve run with an end goal in mind and been single-minded in my efforts to accomplish that goal.  This time, however, I find myself more focused on the process, simply running for our little girl.  It’s not about how fast I run or how graceful my strides or even finishing well.  It finally dawned on me that this race isn’t about me at all, it’s about a little girl who may or may not be born yet in a country thousands of miles away.

When I started training for this marathon and I knew it was for our adoption, to build a team of people who support us and pray for us.  Yet as I’ve run many miles contemplating what it will be like to add a little girl into our family I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason for this marathon may simply be for God to build a bond between her and I.  I’ve been able to form a vision of what life will be like with her in our home, how she will fit in, how God can use our family to help her learn and grow.  I cannot wait to watch her interact with our boys and see the joy in their eyes as they play with their little sister.

So in the end I’ve decided it really doesn’t matter how I run 26.2 miles next Sunday and it doesn’t matter how much support we are able to garner.  What matters most is that God is doing a work, both in our lives and in the life of our adoptive daughter and in His great providence He has chosen to bring us together.  And for that I am eternally grateful! 

---Jim