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- Gail
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3.14.2010
10:30 PM | Posted by
Gail
Personally, I think it is a fantastic movie and a brilliant concept that we should all visit more regularly in life. If I do or do not do this thing I am considering, how will it affect the rest of my life? How will it affect someone else's life? Unfortunately, I think we too often are so self-absorbed, we never really give much thought as to how we are impacting the person across from us, next to us... the person years into the future that we haven't met yet, the person clear across the world who may just be affected by that shirt you choose to buy, those words you choose to say, that job you decide to take, that thing you decide to do.
Which brings me to a sliding door that was walked through years ago when I was a little girl by someone I loved and trusted. This person could have made a decision NOT to do what she did, and yet, for one reason or another, chose to walk through a very ugly door. As a result, I became the victim of child abuse. I do not blame her and have since completely forgiven her... after all, her decision was probably in part because of someone she loved and trusted making a decision to walk through a door they should have let close... and so on and so forth. (can you see what I am getting at here?) At the time, neither she nor I had any idea what kind of far reaching consequences lay ahead for us... and others who would later cross our paths.
But now, we are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia... and I am understanding more and more how my incredible God can take our terrible abuse of the gift of free will and turn it into something full of life and redemption. For somewhere in that beautiful country of Ethiopia is a little baby girl who is waiting. Waiting for me and Jim. Waiting for mommy and daddy to come and get her. And had I not been a victim so many years ago... and had I not chosen integrity over the temptress of fear in answering a really hard question... she would't have become our little girl. I can't even begin to explain to you what this truth does for my heart.
I have had my own share of significant events occur in my life and I know many of the decisions I have made over time have affected everything around me in countless ways. Our journey so far has given me a glimpse into how far reaching one person's decision can be. And how, no matter what, God can take one person's destructive decision and turn it into something good and beautiful.
The process of choosing a country to adopt from was a long one that included lots of research, many questions, and lots of prayer. We narrowed our options down to a few countries based on a number of factors including how long we would be required to stay in the country (read: the amount of time we would have to leave our two boys behind), whether we were able to request adopting a girl or not, what the conditions of the country itself were like, among many other things. As a result, the choices were narrowed down for us to two countries: Rwanda and Ethiopia. And because of much of what we had been reading at the time and how we felt God leading our hearts, we agreed to apply to adopt from Rwanda.
Which brings me to a sliding door that was walked through years ago when I was a little girl by someone I loved and trusted. This person could have made a decision NOT to do what she did, and yet, for one reason or another, chose to walk through a very ugly door. As a result, I became the victim of child abuse. I do not blame her and have since completely forgiven her... after all, her decision was probably in part because of someone she loved and trusted making a decision to walk through a door they should have let close... and so on and so forth. (can you see what I am getting at here?) At the time, neither she nor I had any idea what kind of far reaching consequences lay ahead for us... and others who would later cross our paths.
Certainly I would never have imagined that one day my husband and I would apply to adopt a child from a country across the world and that because of that decision years ago my husband and I would be advised to seek adoption from some other country. That this one girl, walking through one very ugly door, would turn out to be a "red flag" 25 years later to people looking to grant us permission to adopt.
If I sound angry, I am not. Well, not any more. When we were first told we were rejected for the Rwanda program because of this part of my history, I admit that I wept. Several times. And I sat in sad fascination at how one person can affect so many others. For a couple of weeks, I was very angry thinking that there is a little girl somewhere in Rwanda who would have been my daughter apart from one girls decision so many years ago... apart from my own decision to be honest in response to "Have you ever been the victim of domestic or child abuse?" (these sliding doors are everywhere, aren't they?)
But now, we are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia... and I am understanding more and more how my incredible God can take our terrible abuse of the gift of free will and turn it into something full of life and redemption. For somewhere in that beautiful country of Ethiopia is a little baby girl who is waiting. Waiting for me and Jim. Waiting for mommy and daddy to come and get her. And had I not been a victim so many years ago... and had I not chosen integrity over the temptress of fear in answering a really hard question... she would't have become our little girl. I can't even begin to explain to you what this truth does for my heart.
And that little girl in Rwanda who might have been ours? Well, I trust my God to work it out that she will be with a family she is meant to be with one day. And I love and pray for her still. And I pray that, by the power of God's Spirit within me, I will continue to consider how my own decisions (or lack of deciding) will affect the world. Whether they will serve to benefit the world and people around me or only serve to further the decay that is already in progress. May my life, my words, my actions bring life by the power of Life Himself.
I know I will fail many times because I am human, but I vow to try... to surrender to Love, so Love can be manifested all around me... won't you do the same? Rewriting tragedy might hurt... but often the most wonderful things require some pain. I know it will be worth what is to come.
Enjoy the music...
---Gail
***I want to make a small note here to say that the decision of our adoption agency to redirect us to a country other than Rwanda was as much for our protection as it was to maintain the integrity of the program in Rwanda. It is a new program there and it was quite possible that we could have gone through the whole process and been a year into it only to find that upon review of our information, the government in Rwanda had decided to deny us because of what happened in my childhood. Of course, we would have been devastated had this occurred, so I am grateful to our agency for keeping everyones best interests at heart. Both the interest of the orphans in Rwanda and the interest of my own family.***
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